Leverage ABCs
by Zandria Sky
Summary: This is a collection of short stories and drables for leverage.
1. Chapter 1

A is for Armadillo

Parker walked into the offices, carrying something underneath a blanket and whatever was in the blanket was moving. A lot. As Parker entered the briefing room, everyone looked curiously at the bundle but Hardison just stood up to start his presentation. Every time he would start to speak, sounds would come from under the blanket. Finally, Hardison stopped and asked "Parker, what is under the blanket?" Parker smiled wickedly and pulled the blanket off to reveal a baby armadillo. "Parker," Nate said loudly "What are you doing with an armadillo?" Parker replied quietly "It's for us." Nate yelled, "What are _we_ gonna do with a armadillo?" Parker just smiled "Well, I remember that someone I knew told me that all teams have mascots. And i thought this could be _ours_." "AN ARMADILLO!" the team exclaimed. "Yeah!" Parker exclaimed. "Darlin'," Eliot sighed. "I own a pair of armadillo hide boots. That isn't a good sign."

Parker spent the rest of the day hiding in an air vent with the armadillo.


	2. Chapter 2

B is for Balloons

Eliot still didn't understand how a circus could rip someone off, but they were here anyway.

Before they left Sophie had paired them off. She had automatically put her and Nate together. ("After all, who else can keep him from drinking all the beer in this place?")

Then Sophie had looked over the other three and said, "Well, Eliot is too scary to be alone. So I suppose you and Parker can go together. Just pretend to be a couple, okay? That should keep anyone from becoming suspicious."

"What about me?" Hardison asked. "After all, I'm a grown man just like Eliot. So how am I supposed to look "inconspicuous"?"

Sophie stood for a moment looking at him, before saying, "Just act gay and no one will mind."

That had been the best part of Eliot's day.

But now he was stuck at the stupid fair, with an overexcited, child-like blonde. As Parker dragged him along pointing at rides, he got more and more annoyed.

Eventually Parker came to a stop, and Eliot came up behind to find her staring at a man selling balloons. Instead of asking for one, or something that would've made no sense to anyone but Parker, she just slowly walked away.

The hitter tried to hold out, but the sad look on Parker's face finally won him over. He told her to go on the carousel, and promised he would wait for her to finish.

When Parker got off the ride, Eliot was standing there with a bunch of balloons in every color, just for her.

Eliot would never forget the smile that spread across Parker's face, as bright as sunshine and bigger then Texas.


	3. Chapter 3

C is for Cooking

Everyone could tell Eliot was getting really tired of them eating his food. He figured it was because all they could make were microwave meals, so the hitter decided to hold a cooking class.

He started the class by asking what everyone knew how to make. Parker started by saying, "I know how to make bombs..."

"No, Parker," Eliot said slowly. "What _food_ do you know how to make?"

"Oh." The small blonde thought for a moment, before saying, "Cereal!"

Next was Sophie, who simply answered, "I know how to mix alcoholic beverages. But that's all."

Eliot grimaced.

"I know how to make microwave pizzas!" Hardison grinned.

Eliot gave the last member of the team a pleading look. "How about you, Nate?"

Nate shrugged. "Maggie once made me learn how to make macaroni and cheese."

"Really? Casserole, from scratch, or baked?"

"It was... out of a box," Nate admitted.

Eliot sighed.

"Today," he said, "You all are gonna learn to make some food you can eat anytime during the day."

"Cereal?" Parker asked excitedly.

"No, Parker," Eliot replied in an exasperated voice. "Omelets."

First, he showed them how to whisk the eggs and grease the pan, then Eliot asked them to chop up whatever they wanted in their omelet.

Hardison pulled out bacon, sausage, chicken, hamburger, meatballs, turkey and cheese.

Sophie happily dropped in a healthy bunch of brightly colored, chopped vegetables.

Nate was busy trying to sneak a drink without the grifter noticing and stopping him, so his omelet ended up being just the eggs.

When Eliot reached Parker, she looked confused. "Eliot, I don't get it. How do you do it again?"

"I told you, Parker," Eliot smiled softly. "You take something you like to eat and put it in with the eggs, then cook it."

"Oh!" the small thief exclaimed, before she ran out of the room. When she returned, she had two boxes of cereal -one fruity and the other chocolate- in her hands, and proceeded to pour the contents onto the eggs in her pan.

Eliot couldn't help but laugh as he watched them all dish up and eat their omelets. Then Parker stopped eating and asked the hitter, "Do you want some?" She held out a forkful of omelet-a-lá-Coco-Puffs-and-Dino-Bits, and he grinned and shook his head.

But the smile dropped from his face when Hardison drawled, "So, Eliot, man... What's for dinner?"


	4. Chapter 4

D is for Dino Wars

The hacker pulled the cooked dino nuggets out of the oven. A small thief peered over his shoulder to stare in wonder at the tray. Hardison divided the nuggets into two piles and squirted a bunch of ketchup on his plate. As he picked up a dino and went to eat it, Parker yelled at him, "STOP!"

Hardison turned to the blonde and raised an eyebrow. "What, Parker? I'm hungry."

"But we have to do Dino Wars," she pouted.

"What?"

"We have to have the dinosaurs fight each other, and whoever wins gets all of them. Sophie said so."

"Parker..."

"Pleeeeeeeeease?"

And the war began.

5 minutes later…

The blonde cat burglar sat down on the couch with both plates of dino nuggets.

The hacker sat next to her, glowering.

Parker focused on wiping all the "yucky" ketchup off one of the plates, and Hardison covertly reached for one of the snacks. Parker didn't even look over as she slapped his hand and announced, triumphantly, "Dino Wars decided, so you don't get to have any!"

Hardison leaned back in his seat and muttered, "Stupid Dino Wars."


	5. Chapter 5

Elk Meat

"Dang, man, this is really good! What's in it?" Hardison asked about the casserole.

Eliot smirked. "Elk meat."

Sophie spit out her mouthful.


	6. Chapter 6

Fan Fictions

"Everybody, you gotta get in here right now!"

The entire team rushed into the briefing room.

"What's wrong, Hardison?" Nate demanded.

"Nate, man…" The hacker shook his head, face blank. "I was doin' a general search to see if our names popped up. That way I could get rid of them if they did, right? And I found this thing called . And… it has a bunch of stories about a team of con artists named Nate, Sophie, Eliot, Parker and… Hardison."

"That's impossible," Sophie scoffed.

Parker glared. "And not funny, Hardison."

"I know, guys. But it's for real. And there are thousands of these things. And, check it out, there are a ton of them that are called "slash" fics."

"What's that?" Parker asked, paranoia overtaken by curiousity.

"See, it's when people write Eliot and Nate, or "femslash" where Sophie and Parker are… together."

"What d'you mean, together?" the hitter demanded.

"Like together, man. As in… couples."

Eliot seemed absolutely shocked, then he snapped out of it, face going red with rage, and yelled, "What kind of screwed up people write these things?"

Nate frowned, then glared, an angry gleam in his eyes. "I don't know. I don't want to know. But whoever they are, they need to pay."


	7. Chapter 7

G is for Gondola

Parker walked out of the Gelato shop and on to the Venice street. "Now what?" Nate isn't expecting us back for a half an hour." Parker looked around the street and said "Can we go on one of those boat things?" Eliot followed her gaze to a small boat bobbing in the water way. "It's called a gondola, and I guess we can." The hitter approached a man sitting near the boat. "Is this yours?" Eliot asked the man, "Yes" he replied. "Can we rent it?" the man looked them over. "Only if you leave enough money to compensate if you steal it." Parker smiled and handed the money from her pockets. A shocked look covered the mans face as he slowly said "Go ahead." The two got into the boat and Eliot pushed the boat off leaving the sidewalk behind. "Will you sing for me?" Parker asked. "The hitter raised and eyebrow and finally replied "Fine." He looked at the small thief and began singing a soft Italian song. She smiled and looked contently around at the beautiful city.


End file.
